Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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