he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
