I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Randomize
