I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
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