Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize