dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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