You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
