Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Randomize
