dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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