I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
