I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
