So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
