Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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