There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
