There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
