Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Never joke about your clitoris.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
