Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
