I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
