It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
