It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
