wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
