On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
