I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
