Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
