Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize