there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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