Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
