So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize