a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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