btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize