The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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