He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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