You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
