Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
