im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
