I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You need Xanax blowdarts
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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