help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
