it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
