she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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