I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
