how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
