I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
