Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
