dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
