So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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