I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
