Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
