Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
