'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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