he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize