after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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