But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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