Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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