I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize