Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I want her autograph on my taint
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
