saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
