We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
