Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
