Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
