6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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