my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
