Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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