We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
