You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
