I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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