cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
