My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
