there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize