haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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