You're my little dorito
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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