I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
We are all done wearing pants today
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize