i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
