While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
