Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
