one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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