Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
