Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
