You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
