just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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