we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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