You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
This is the prime rib incident all over again
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
