I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
