My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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