Even the bartender felt bad for me
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize