if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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