Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
