but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I've blown a few things in my day
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize