I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
