I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
