I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
COCAINE IS GR8
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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