Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
my liver is dry heaving
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
