I think I died a long time ago.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
